Matthew 18:20 – “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
Here’s something no one told me about college: you can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone.
That was me. Classes full of students, dorms packed with noise, football games with thousands of screaming fans—and yet I felt invisible. I didn’t know how to seek God in the middle of it. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure how to start. So I coasted.I kept busy. I told myself I’d figure it out later. I would fill my days up with anything and everything.
But when graduation hit and the dust settled, I realized the truth: I couldn’t do faith on my own. The “later” I had been putting off was staring me in the face. And spoiler alert—Jesus never designed faith to be a solo sport.
Matthew 18:20 says,
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
It doesn’t say, “Where one hustles really hard to keep it together, there I am.” It says community. Gathering. Togetherness.
But here’s the thing: building a faith community after college feels harder than it should. In school, people are built in. Dorms, classes, clubs—friendships kind of happen by proximity. Post-grad? Suddenly everyone scatters. People move, start careers, get married, shift priorities. You look around and realize: oh, building friendships now takes actual work.
And building faith-based friendships? Even more intentional.
So how do you find it? How do you go from lonely college nights and a shaky personal faith to being rooted in a community that helps you grow?
Here’s what I’ve been learning:
1. Admit You Need People
This sounds obvious, but it’s not. For so long I thought being “strong” meant I could figure out faith by myself. That I could read my Bible alone, pray alone, worship alone—and it would be enough. And while those things matter, God designed us for more. You don’t grow deep roots in isolation. You grow when you’re connected.
2. Say Yes (Even When It’s Awkward)
Walking into a new church or small group for the first time feels like middle school lunch tables all over again. Who do I sit with? Will anyone talk to me? Am I wearing the right vibe of jean jacket? But here’s the truth: everyone else is more focused on themselves than they are on you. Say yes anyway. Go back the second week. Relationships don’t magically appear—they grow when you keep showing up.
3. Be Honest Sooner
You don’t build deep community by swapping surface-level “I’m fine” forever. At some point, you’ve got to be the one who goes first. Share your actual struggles. Ask for prayer. Admit when you’re doubting. Vulnerability feels risky, but it’s also magnetic—it invites other people to be real too.
4. Look Outside the Box
Community doesn’t always look like the picture-perfect friend group that does pumpkin patch photos in matching flannels. Sometimes it’s one or two people who get you. Sometimes it’s older mentors who pour into you. Sometimes it’s the college kid you disciple while you’re still figuring your own stuff out. Don’t limit what “faith family” should look like.
5. Let God Lead the Building
I used to think I had to force friendships—make myself likable enough, spiritual enough, available enough. But God is the one who sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6). He knows who you need. He knows when you need them. Trust Him to bring the right people into your life at the right time.
I wish I could tell you I figured this out instantly after college. I didn’t. It took awkward first steps, tearful prayers, and the humbling realization that independence doesn’t equal strength.
But slowly, God answered. He brought me people who became more than just friends—they became family. They prayed me through seasons I couldn’t have survived alone. They reminded me who I was when I forgot. They carried hope for me when mine ran out.
And now? When I think back to that lonely college girl, I wish I could hug her. I’d tell her: You don’t have to do this by yourself. You were never meant to.
If you’re walking out of college into a new city, a new job, or just a new stage of life wondering how to find your people—be encouraged. It’s possible. It’s worth it. And it’s not all on your shoulders.
Show up. Be real. Keep asking God. And trust that He’s not just present in the big gatherings—He’s right there in the “two or three.”
Because the promise of Matthew 18:20 still stands: When we gather in His name—even if it’s just a couple of us—He is there.
And He’s all you need to start.
Hanna Rellar 